Aaron Miller

Aaron Miller

Provo, UT
Disagreement and the Common Good • Judge Thomas Griffith, DC Circuit Court of Appeals• s03e05

Disagreement and the Common Good • Judge Thomas Griffith, DC Circuit Court of Appeals• s03e05

Summary

What if disagreement could actually unite us? Judge Thomas Griffith, retired DC Circuit Court judge, joins us to explore the Constitution’s genius: its embrace of disagreement as a path to the common good. Judge Griffith shares personal stories from his judicial career, including his bipartisan support for Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, and dispels the myth of “partisans in robes.” He challenges listeners to defend the Constitution through humility, compromise, and local action, and offers hope for those discouraged by political division.

About Our Guest

Judge Thomas B. Griffith was appointed to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit by President George W. Bush in 2005, and served until his retirement in 2020. He is currently a Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, a Fellow at the Wheatley Institute, and Special Counsel at Hunton Andrews Kurth. He is also engaged in rule of law initiatives in Central and Eastern Europe. 

Earlier in his career, Judge Griffith served as General Counsel of Brigham Young University and as Senate Legal Counsel, the nonpartisan chief legal officer of the U.S. Senate. In 2021, President Biden appointed him to the President’s Commission on the Supreme Court. He is also a co-author of Lost, Not Stolen: The Conservative Case that Biden Won and Trump Lost the 2020 Presidential Election. 

He holds a BA from Brigham Young University and a JD from the University of Virginia School of Law.

Useful Links

Judge Griffith's Wikipedia entry:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_B._Griffith

Braver Angels – Bridging Political Divides Through Civil Discourse:

https://braverangels.org

Judge Griffith's Letter in Support of Justice Jackson:

https://www.judiciary.senate.gov/imo/media/doc/2.26.22%20-%20Judge%20Thomas%20Griffith%20Support%20for%20Jackson.pdf

Judge Griffith's 2012 Speech at BYU, "The Hard Work of Understanding the Constitution":

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/thomas-b-griffith/the-hard-work-of-understanding-the-constitution/

Pleasant Pictures Music

Join the Pleasant Pictures Music Club to get unlimited access to high-quality, royalty-free music for all of your projects. Use the discount code HOWTOHELP15 for 15% off your first year.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Thomas Griffith: I was doing a, a program for judges and academics at Oxford, and we're going out to dinner one night, and I dislike it when people bring their cell phones to dinner, but I had mine on the table. And all of a sudden it started to buzz, buzz, buzz and I asked "Andrew, do you mind if I look at this? This is unusual."

So I, I, I picked it up and looked at it and um, and I was getting all these text messages, that President Biden had just announced that he was nominating Katanji Brown Jackson, to the Supreme Court, and that in his statement that he was quoting me, he was reading from my, from my letter and that was, that was bizarre.

[00:00:43] Aaron - Narration: Hi, I'm Aaron Miller. And this is How to Help, a podcast about having a life and career with meaning, integrity, and impact. This is season three, episode five, Disagreement and the Common Good. Before we begin, let me just say that your kind words and positive reviews mean the world to us. To those who have either taken a few minutes to rate the show or to share how to help with friends, you've done the thing that helps the podcast more than anything else.

And if you haven't done that yet, well now you know what to do. Thank you for the generous support and encouragement.

These days, it's easy and reasonable to feel like the US is a nation that's barely holding itself together. Our disagreements seem more bitter and difficult than they've been in any of our lifetimes. I know I 've felt that during the last few years especially. And if you've felt it too can I tell you about a remarkable tradition that's more than a hundred years old now?

Every year since 1893 on George Washington's birthday, a chosen US senator has stood to read aloud Washington's farewell address to the nation. And it's not a short address to deliver, often taking nearly an hour of uninterrupted speaking. After the reading, the senator who had the honor inscribes their name into a leather-bound book that now holds over a century of signatures, a tangible testament to the continued urgency of Washington's message.

His farewell address wasn't a speech. It was published in newspapers in 1796. This was a deliberate choice so he could reach as many Americans as possible. Also, Alexander Hamilton helped him write it. At the time, Washington was nearing the end of his second term as president, and his decision not to seek a third term was made in spite of being so widely loved by his fellow citizens.

Back then, a president could serve more than twice, but the demands of the presidency were simply exhausting. In fact, he revealed in the same address that he had considered stepping down after his first term, but stayed on out of his sense of duty to a nation that was still finding its footing.

The address offered more than a farewell. It was a roadmap for the nation's future. He talks about avoiding foreign entanglements and government debt, but central to his message was the importance of unity. Washington emphasized, quote, "It is of infinite moment that you should properly estimate the immense value of your national union to your collective and individual happiness."

Washington urged Americans to see above regional, political and personal divisions to preserve the union, warning that internal conflicts could undermine the nation's strength.

This tradition might feel meaningless or even hopeless to make any real difference in today's political pain. But consider that the first time the Senate did this reading was in 1862. It was then an appeal to unity during a time of civil war. My guest for this episode is Judge Thomas Griffith, retired judge from the DC Federal Circuit Court of Appeals, widely regarded as the second most important court in America. The DC Circuit Court is where most cases come if the US government is itself a party. The decisions of this court commonly impact the entire nation.

In this episode, Judge Griffith is going to teach us how to disagree while being united. Disagreement is essential to our legal system, of course, but Griffith will persuade you that it's essential to the Constitution itself. In fact, the duality of disagreement and unity are its most essential features

[00:04:30] Thomas Griffith: And the Constitution was designed to encourage, disagreement. It, we want disagreement. I, I don't trust a decision, any decision from anybody, that isn't the product of disagreement. Disagreement is vital.

[00:04:50] Aaron - Narration: Prior to being a Judge, Griffith was a lawyer, a university general counsel, and also the chief legal officer for the US Senate. Let's start the episode though, with the beginning of his judicial career. Like with every federal judge of required a confirmation process, in the same Senate body that has read Washington's farewell address for over a century.

Despite the unifying spirit recommended by our first president, judicial confirmations have a reputation for being especially grueling and political. That in Judge Griffith's nomination turned out not to be the case.

[00:05:23] Aaron - Interview: What was the experience like going through? A Senate confirmation. Yeah. To the federal bench.

[00:05:29] Thomas Griffith: So mine was, uh, a little unusual and little, uh, easier than most for one reason. For four years, I had been the chief lawyer for the United States Senate, a nonpartisan position, and so I had gotten to know the Senate leadership pretty well. We had been in the trenches together, senate leadership on both sides of the aisle. And so I got the benefit of being like family to, to them.

So that's not to say there wasn't some controversy surrounding it because I, the Democrats were in a mode of filibustering, president George W. Bush's nominees to the DC Circuit. A very distinguished pate lawyer in Washington, DC, named Miguel Estrada, who was a first generation immigrant from Central America, just a great American success story, decided to withdraw from the process. President Bush had to decide, okay, who do I nominate to replace Miguel Estrada? And, and I, I ended up being the replacement to the chagrin of some and the pleasure of others.

And they all the, the primary reason for that was that I had these relationships with the Democratic leadership of the Senate. What I had to go through was nothing in comparison to what others had to go through. So I'm not certain that my confirmation process is the, the, the norm because of the, because of those personal relationships.

[00:06:56] Aaron - Narration: Reports from longstanding members of Congress all have a common and very sad theme. The collegiality that Griffith saw as the Senate's lawyer has been dissolving steadily over time. Friends across the aisle are rarer than ever, but personal relationships are essential to compromise. It's much harder to persuade people that you don't know.

Griffith's career has been one of building these relationships, sometimes against the trend as when he endorsed Supreme Court Justice Keji Brown Jackson's nomination. Nominees to the Supreme Court faced stiff political opposition to be confirmed, but it wasn't always that way.

[00:07:33] Aaron - Interview: This history of building relationships, uh, across the political divide seems to have also played out when you introduced Justice Jackson. You made news for this because you were appointed by a Republican president and now you were doing the introduction for a democratically nominated Supreme Court Justice.

[00:07:52] Thomas Griffith: There was a time when that was, that sort of move was completely non-controversial, right? That used to be the norm. I can't remember the exact numbers, but what Justice Scalia was confirmed was it 98 to nothing, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 96 to 3.

And so that was what I would call the good old days. So there was a time when that was not controversial, but as you pointed out, no, it was controversial in, uh, this time.

So let me tell you the story. So I, I know Justice Jackson, she, um, was a trial court judge, a district court judge in the DC circuit when I was a court of appeals judge. And, and I got to know her and anyone who meets her discovers she's a very pleasant person. She's just delightful. She's the type of person you want to have lunch with. She's kind and thoughtful, all these wonderful virtues.

I disagreed with her on some legal matters. I thought her approach was mistaken, but I had no question that this was a person was trying to apply the law impartially. We just had a difference of opinion on a couple of occasions about what the law required. That seems to me completely unremarkable. That happens all the time.

[00:09:08] Aaron - Narration: Shortly after Judge Griffith retired from the DC circuit, Katanji Brown Jackson was nominated to that same court by President Biden.

When that happened, Jackson asked Griffith to write a letter of support, which he did gladly, and she was confirmed. The year following Griffith was at dinner with friends at Oxford when his phone started buzzing with a flood of text messages. President Biden had just announced the nomination of Jackson to the US Supreme Court, and in his announcement, Biden quoted the previous letter of praise written by Judge Griffith.

[00:09:41] Thomas Griffith: She then asked shortly before her confirmation hearing if I would be willing to introduce her. "I'd be honored to." She said, "Okay. You'll be hearing from the White House Council in a day or so about the logistics of that, what happens."

[00:09:55] Aaron - Narration: Judge Griffith eventually found himself in the hearing room for the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Here's a clip from his introduction for Justice Jackson.

[00:10:05] Thomas Griffith - Senate Testimony: Chairman Durbin, ranking Member Grassley and members of the Senate Judiciary Committee. I come here today as a retired federal appeals court judge with 15 years of experience on the United States Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit. I come here as a jurist appointed by Republican President George W. Bush. And I come here as someone who understands that there are few greater responsibilities under the constitution than serving as a Justice on the United States Supreme Court. It takes a jurist of high character, keen intellect, deep legal knowledge, and broad experience to ensure that the judiciary plays its unique role under the Constitution, to uphold the rule of law impartially and not to be in the words of Justice Steven Breyer "partisans in robes." Today I have the high honor to introduce Judge Katanji Brown Jackson, a jurist who has all of those qualities.

[00:11:08] Aaron - Narration: Judge Griffith noted in his introduction that this moment used to be what he called "regular order," where a judge appointed by a Republican president would support a judge chosen by a Democratic one.

[00:11:20] Thomas Griffith - Senate Testimony: Now some think it noteworthy that a former judge appointed by a Republican president would enthusiastically endorse a nomination to the Supreme Court by a Democratic president. That reaction is a measure of the dangerous hyper-partisanship that has seeped into every nook and cranny of our nation's life, and against which the framers of the Constitution warned us.

There should be nothing unusual about my support for a highly qualified nominee who has demonstrated through her life's work her commitment to the rule of law, and an impartial judiciary.

[00:11:57] Thomas Griffith: Yeah, and it, it was news. It made news. I will tell you, after the hearing, I was approached by several senators on the committee, on both sides of the aisle, to express dissatisfaction with what has become of the confirmation process. Because it's become so partisan and, and so political, and they cheered me in my comments and encouraged me to keep, to keep pushing for this sort of, of approach.

[00:12:32] Aaron - Interview: It's a fantastic story. Yeah. I love that.

[00:12:35] Thomas Griffith: And, and some of Justice Jackson's approaches and opinions she's written, I, they wouldn't be the ones that I wrote. But again, I think the Supreme Court's a better place. I think the United States is a better place for having her voice and, and her approach there.

[00:12:49] Aaron - Narration: The overwhelming perspective of everyday Americans is that federal judges are simply party politicians in robes. I asked Judge Griffith what he would say to those who believe this.

[00:12:59] Thomas Griffith: I think, uh, they'd be surprised and pleasantly surprised to find out that judges are not partisans in robes.

The, the, the phrase that, and I'll state it this way. So my experience was on the US Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit for 15 years. And in 15 years on the DC Circuit, working with 11 other judges in hundreds of cases, I never once saw any of my colleagues make a decision that I thought was in any way painted by their political bias.

Now we're all appointed by different presidents. All of us are products of the political system. Never once did I see any of my colleagues, and hopefully I didn't do it either, cast a decision based on what, what we thought the best result was, political result was. Judges just don't think that way. Sure, you still have your political views and we would talk about those over lunch and stuff. But you just do your level best to keep those views out of your decisions as, as a judge.

And I, it's really inspiring to see people from different political backgrounds put that to one side and try and decide, not what the best outcome is, but what the law requires. And you, and there are times when I disagreed with what the law requires, but you follow the law. You take an oath to do that. You take an oath to be impartial. In my experience, 15 years on the DC circuit, I never once saw anyone who violated that oath.

[00:14:51] Aaron - Narration: This might lead you to misunderstand how disagreement works among judges. Important cases when appealed are often decided by split votes, two to one at the Circuit level, five to four at the Supreme Court level. We often see judges divided up as conservative and liberal, but there are cases where appellate judges side with each other despite political boundaries. What's at stake and where the disagreements lie is over what the law requires.

[00:15:18] Thomas Griffith: Now there's plenty of room for disagreement about all sorts of things. About how do you read a statute, what's the best way to read an act of Congress? Do you read it just according to the words that are there, or do you try and understand what the purpose was? Is there a purpose for the, those, so there's lots of room for disagreement on that. But the disagreements were over how to read a statute, how to interpret the Constitution. They weren't over, "Is this going to help the Rs, or is this going to help the Ds?" And I, I wish American people could see that. Now...

[00:15:52] Aaron - Narration: Why then do Americans see the courts so differently, as just extensions of hyper-partisan politics? It has mostly to do with the hyper-partisans who complain about the courts.

[00:16:04] Thomas Griffith: The problem, of course, is the pundits and politicians characterize our work differently. President Trump famously criticized the decision that went against his administration. And he said "That was an Obama judge." And, uh, in response to that, chief Justice Roberts issued a statement, which was really extraordinary. I, I don't think I've ever seen this in my lifetime, where Chief Justice responds to a criticism of President of the United States where he rebuked that. He said, "We don't have Obama judges or Clinton judges or Bush judges. We have federal judges who are all doing their best to, to apply the law."

[00:16:42] Aaron - Narration: Of course, judges aren't perfect. We have a national history that bears the shame of judicial decisions like Plessy v Ferguson, which upheld segregation as constitutional, or Korematsu v US, which made it legal to put Japanese Americans in internment camps during World War II.

But we also have Brown v Board of Education where Plessy was repudiated despite the politics of the moment. Judge Griffith notes that people would be encouraged if they saw how the courts actually worked day-to-day.

[00:17:14] Thomas Griffith: Now, do judges always live up to that standard? No. I'm sure they don't. They fall short. But that's the standard, that's the goal, that's the aspiration. And at least in my experience, uh, that's the reality of it on the DC circuit. I, I wish people could see that because if they did see that, they, I think they would be really inspired. They would say, man, this system is unique, is pretty unique in the world. And it works and people get a fair shot and are treated well and are heard. I think they'd be very encouraged by that.

[00:17:51] Aaron - Narration: Judges ultimately have an obligation to be something that many people have come to see as a weakness in our leaders, the trait of being persuadable you.

[00:18:00] Thomas Griffith: I love the quote it, it's attributed to Oliver Cromwell, I've never done the research to find out if he really said this or not, but the Puritan revolutionary Oliver Cromwell was reported to have said, "I beseech ye in the bowels of Christ, think that ye might be mistaken." And the cardinal virtue that judges should strive for is humility and to be open to persuasion, as you said.

[00:18:29] Aaron - Narration: The American judicial system is pretty unique in the world, as Judge Griffith said. And its novelty comes down to the genius of the Constitution, where the judicial branch was established as coequal with Congress and the Presidency. But for that position of importance, courts would always be operating under the whims and machinations of people in power.

This is one of the many reasons why defending the Constitution is so critical today, just as it was back when George Washington pled for us to do the same more than 200 years ago. But the Constitution isn't merely an ideal or symbol of patriotism. It's a set of particular ideas and principles that we need to understand and hold onto with all the dedication we can muster.

I asked Judge Griffith what he thinks we need to be doing today to preserve Constitutional government.

[00:19:20] Thomas Griffith: Sure. That's a big question. And first of all, I, I applaud and cheer anyone who wants to defend the Constitution. Because I think the Constitution, it's, it's unique. It defines who we are as a people. We need to be vigilant about, about protecting the Constitution.

I'll use the words of George Washington. George Washington said in, in the transmittal letter, sending the draft Constitution to the Continental Congress. Uh, he said, "This Constitution is the product of that spirit of amity and that mutual deference and concession which the peculiarity of our political circumstance rendered indispensable."

So the Constitution was created in that sort of spirit, and I believe that it can only continue if we bring those virtues back into the discussion. Sometimes you get your way with a couple of compromises thrown in, and sometimes you don't get your way at all because you lose. The best explanation I heard of this that summarizes this came from a former Utah Supreme Court Justice and current leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Saints, Dallin Oaks, who said, "On contested issues we should see to moderate and to unify."

That's a pretty good, that's a pretty good approach.

[00:20:59] Aaron - Narration: During our conversation, Judge Griffith highly recommended the new book, American Covenant: How The Constitution Unified Our Nation and Could Again by Yuval Levin. In his book, Levin makes the case that the Constitution was intended to create a new kind of citizen, one who works by negotiation, bargaining, and compromise.

Levin's argument is that this kind of citizen is made necessary by the limitations placed on majority rule. In many things, even the people in power should have to compromise. Disagreement and compromise make sense if both sides have good reasons for their position, but surely we're not expected to compromise with everyone who disagrees with us.

What about those whose beliefs and ambitions are wrong at a much deeper level?

[00:21:46] Aaron - Interview: How do you recommend the average American think about where is, where, where is truly evil that's worth resisting versus what is open to reconciliation and compromise.

[00:21:56] Thomas Griffith: Yeah. Big question. Big question. So we, it's also pointed out to us that America is unique among nations of the world and that it's, it's founded on some ideas, instead of founded on blood and soil sort of thing. And those ideas are expressed in the Declaration of Independence, right? That's our secular scripture. And the two most fundamental principles are to be an American, means that you're committed to liberty and equality.

Those are abstract concepts. Those are high aspirations. But if you're an American, you gotta be committed to that, right? If you're not, I'm not going to hate you. But I'm sorry, you don't get to sit at the table and help, uh, determine the course of this nation. So therefore, there are some conversations that I'm just not going to have. I, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm not going to invite a Nazi to the table. Uh, no. I, I'm sorry. I'm not going to hate you. Uh, I'm not going to show contempt for you. I will battle your ideas to the day I die, but I'm not going to hate you. But no, you're not going to be part of the, the conversation. You know, there, there is evil out there, but boy, to categorize an idea or a person as evil. Boy, be careful about that.

Right? Be humble about that. And even when we're dealing with evil, I think it's incumbent upon us to do the best we can to understand where is this coming from? Why does this person have these views? And even in studying evil, you may find out that, that there are reasons for why this person has taken these extreme and evil views. And to the extent that we can understand that, then the better we'll be able to combat those truly destructive ideas.

[00:23:50] Aaron - Narration: Social media today is sadly a breeding ground for the wrong kind of citizen, not just for evil, but also for conflict. Social media platforms feed on fear and anger because those emotions keep your attention.

What might help there?

[00:24:07] Thomas Griffith: Stop being on social media, people!

We, we know what's going on! We know what's going on on social media. We know what's going on on cable. We know what's going on on talk radio. This is sounds like the old man saying, stop driving a car, or don't use the internet. But seriously, if you're, if you're consuming information from social media, from cable, and from talk radio, you, we know we're being played, right?

[00:24:37] Aaron - Interview: Yeah.

[00:24:37] Thomas Griffith: We're being played by algorithms. We're being played by revenue dollars, ad dollars. That's what's going on with political views on social media, cable and talk radio. And so, you know, I'm not so naive as to say don't do it at all. I, I, I wish people wouldn't actually, but I'm not that crazy. But realize when you're there, you're being played.

[00:25:00] Aaron - Narration: Because I teach them every day, I like to ask my guest for advice to the rising generation. There is truly a force of good people coming to age in a rough place right now. What should they do with this country that they're inheriting?

[00:25:15] Aaron - Interview: So what advice do you have for them in that regard? Like what, where do you think they should be pointing themselves to have the impact they're looking for?

[00:25:23] Thomas Griffith: First of all, their instincts are right. Their desire to serve is audible. There's so much more to life than economics, right? And, and so any young person who's motivated by a desire to improve the common good the first thing I say to them is, "Bless you! Don't lose that. Don't lose that." Then the question becomes, how do you do it?

In, in our current circumstances, I'm not certain the solution is politics. Politics is a tough world right now. Unfortunately, you're not going to have a lot of role models in the political world, uh, today. But look, look for those. Who are treating their political opponents, not as enemies, but as, as co-laborers in this great democratic enterprise?

For others, I think the real, the real good that's going to be done is locally. I think real change, real meaningful change happens slowly over time, but it typically happens at the local level. At the level of your family, the level of your congregation. If you're a, a person, say in, in the schools that your children attend, the school board, city, county, that's where I think real meaningful change takes place. I'm afraid it's not going to come at the national level. I don't think somebody's going to come riding on a horse, white knight, to, to, to save us from this. It's going to, it's going to come from the local level. And so my encouragement is don't give up on your idealism, but focus on what you can do in your own community, because that's where real, uh, meaningful change over time will, will occur.

[00:27:09] Aaron - Interview: Any parting thoughts for those who are especially discouraged by the political rancor that we're all swimming in?

[00:27:16] Thomas Griffith: Yeah. You have reason to be discouraged. I am too. I am too. So what do you do with that discouragement? We can, uh, retreat to our own shell and watch cable news and just get mad. Or post some sort of invective about our discouragement on social media.

You can do that. That's not helpful. If you're discouraged, the best thing to do is is to work for change at, at, at, at in your life, in the lives of those around you, by modeling the type of, uh, political discourse you'd like to see us have. It turns out social science research shows us that in those very few instances where people do change their mind, that it's typically, um, because of a conversation with a friend.

No, no one changes their mind when they're being yelled at. My, my parting shot, be that type of person and, and hope and pray that, that the model catches on. Try and understand what your fellow citizens are thinking about and what they care about.

[00:28:25] Aaron - Narration: We like to think of our founding fathers as superheroes, philosopher-warriors who somehow had the power to mold an entire nation. But Washington noted in his farewell that he was guilty of many errors in his time as President. Speaking of these failings, he said, "Whatever they may be, I fervently beseech the Almighty to avert or mitigate the evils to which they may tend."

Washington also hoped that his faults of incompetent abilities will be consigned to oblivion In his final address, in his final paragraphs, what Washington asked from his fellow Americans was grace and forgiveness for not doing a better job. If the great George Washington needed grace and forgiveness, surely we do too.

I'm incredibly grateful to my friend, Judge Thomas Griffith for spending time with us. How to Help is a production of BYU Radio and hosted and written by me, Aaron Miller. This episode is produced by Erica Price with help from Blake Morris and Kenny Mears. Scoring and mixing was done by Seth Miller, and our music is by Eric Robertson and the Pleasant Pictures Music Club.

For more information about this episode, use the links in the show notes. And if you haven't subscribed to How to Help, you can do that in your favorite podcast player. As always, thank you so much for listening.

Deborah Tucker Headshot

Ending Domestic Violence • Deborah Tucker, co-founder of the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence • s03e04

Summary

Domestic violence affects millions, yet most people don’t know how to help when someone they care about is being abused. Deborah Tucker has spent over five decades fighting to end violence against women, from co-founding one of the first shelters in the US to spearheading the Violence Against Women Act. In this episode, you’ll learn the five essential things to say to someone experiencing abuse, why we must work with people who use violence (not just victims), and how individual action connects to ending domestic violence altogether. Deborah’s mix of disarming charm and deep expertise shows why she’s been so effective in this fight—and how you can be too.

About Our Guest

Deborah D. Tucker is a pioneering advocate who has dedicated over five decades to ending violence against women and children. Her journey began in 1974 as a volunteer with Texas’s first rape crisis center, launching a career that would transform domestic violence response nationwide.

Tucker co-founded and led the Austin Center for Battered Women from 1977-1982, then became the first Executive Director of the Texas Council on Family Violence, where she served until 1996. Under her leadership, the Texas Council grew into one of the country’s largest coalitions with over 50 staff members, and launched the National Domestic Violence Hotline, providing 24/7 crisis support nationwide.

Tucker’s national influence includes serving as founding Chair of the National Network to End Domestic Violence during the passage of the Violence Against Women Act in 1994 and working on subsequent reauthorizations. In 1998, Tucker co-founded the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence with Sarah M. Buel, creating an organization that provides training and consultation across the country. Tucker also co-chaired the U.S. Department of Defense Task Force on Domestic Violence from 2000-2003.

Her numerous honors include induction into the Texas Women’s Hall of Fame in 2014, the National Association of Schools of Public Affairs and Administration’s Alfred M. Zuck Public Courage Award in 2012, and the Sunshine Lady Award in 2008. Currently serving as President of NCDSV’s Board of Directors, Tucker continues her lifelong mission to create safer communities for all.

Useful Links

National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence:


https://www.ncdsv.org/

National Domestic Violence Hotline:


https://www.thehotline.org/

Five Things to Say to Victims of Domestic Violence: https://www.ncdsv.org/uploads/1/4/2/2/142238266/2023-10-01-thefivethingstosay-adultvictim-puv-child.pdf

CDC Information on Domestic Violence:

https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/index.html

The Violence Against Women Act:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_Against_Women_Act

Pleasant Pictures Music

Join the Pleasant Pictures Music Club to get unlimited access to high-quality, royalty-free music for all of your projects. Use the discount code HOWTOHELP15 for 15% off your first year.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Debby Tucker: My dad had gone to college for while, but my mother never went to college, and both of them were determined to make sure that I went. But, I didn't know why I was going necessarily. I just knew that for them it was an important next step. And I had such a limited view that I thought that women could only be a nurse or a teacher.

So I was like, I don't wanna be a nurse. You know, some of them have to be there at like seven o'clock in the morning. That sounds horrible. School starts at 8:30, I guess I'll go the teacher route. That's how sophisticated my choice was.

[00:00:45] Aaron - Narration: Hi, I'm Aaron Miller, and this is How to Help: a podcast about having a life and career with meaning, integrity, and impact. This is season three, episode four: Ending Domestic Violence.

If you've been enjoying How to Help, then let me tell you the best way that you can help this podcast to grow. More than any number of followers or money spent on advertising or marketing, what works the best is to give it a rating in your podcast app of choice. And when there's an episode that you love, share it with a friend. There's really no substitute for those two things. So thank you for supporting the show.

As you've been listening to How to Help, you've likely noticed that I typically open each episode by setting the context with a story or some interesting piece of history related to the topic. This episode is different precisely because of the topic. Although I won't share any detailed stories of abuse, if this is a topic that's personally difficult for you, then you may want to look over the transcript for this episode to see if listening to it will be helpful.

If you haven't personally experienced domestic abuse, then this episode will definitely be helpful to you. Because even if you haven't experienced it personally, the odds are extremely high that someone you know has been abused, and I hope by listening to this you can be more helpful to victims of abuse and even to the people who use violence. If you don't think you know someone in either of these categories, you are almost certainly wrong.

[00:02:20] Debby Tucker: Oh, absolutely. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. It's not something that's confined to any one population or strata or whatever. One of my ways of saying is it goes from house coats to fur coats.

[00:02:36] Aaron - Narration: My guest today is Deborah Tucker. She's the co-founder and board president of the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence. She was also its executive director for 17 years.

You won't find anyone with more expertise on what people individually and society together can do to end domestic violence. She helped start one of the first ever victim shelters in the US. She even spearheaded the campaign to make the Violence Against Women Act into federal law.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Throughout this episode, you're going to learn things you never knew. You'll also quickly see why Debby's mix of disarming charm and deep expertise have made her so effective in fighting domestic abuse. Her start in this fight came when she was just a young college student.

[00:03:21] Debby Tucker: I fell into it in the way that a lot of people do, as a volunteer. I read an article in the Daily Texan about a group coming together to discuss sexual assault and the problems that were occurring on campus where people were being assaulted, and if you had any interest or willingness to participate, come on down kind of a thing. And I'm not sure why I latched onto it, but I absolutely did. I had like roommates at the dorm who talked about being attacked on a date or somebody in one of my classes who had obviously been harmed and asking her if I could do anything to help, and she just burst into tears and said, "I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go."

[00:04:18] Aaron - Narration: Debby began as a volunteer, working on a 24-hour phone hotline for victims to report abuse and get help. She quickly became a key volunteer and then an employee. This is something she did while she was still quite young, but too many people in positions to help were just doing a bad job.

[00:04:36] Debby Tucker: We were way in over our head. I think I was 21, and trying to understand the complexities of what people were going through. All the players, the emergency room staff, the law enforcement people.

You know, ministers were a source of great support many times, and people wanted to talk to their minister, but that didn't always turn out. Sometimes they would say the same-old, same-old things that people were saying that were very hurtful. "What did you do to make him mad? He beat you up because you did what now?" And not understanding. So anywhere you look, people can play a role and it can be helpful or it can because somebody to retreat.

And maybe it takes them another year before they reach out and ask for any kind of help.

[00:05:35] Aaron - Narration: As the hotline grew, they quickly realized that they needed to respond urgently to the needs of some of the women who called in. And this gave rise to what might have been the first ever domestic violence shelter in the United States.

[00:05:48] Debby Tucker: I can't say that it was all by ourselves that we figured that out. We had located the

Austin Rape Crisis Center in the Episcopal Seminary. They had offered us, uh, two rooms where we could operate the Austin Rape Crisis Center. And we just accidentally started taking people in to what's called Rather House, this beautiful building that visiting priest used when they were coming to the seminary for a, a visit or a program or whatever.

And one of those priests came downstairs to the kitchen and found us sitting there with a family around the table and he said, "I'm glad that you're doing this, but I'm embarrassed that it never occurred to me that we would have company at seven o'clock in the morning if this is going to be happening.

Maybe we need a, a house or a place that we designate. Uh, for folks to stay."

Of course, what were we thinking? So to his credit, we sat back and said, yeah, we're getting people who need to get away from someone who's actively harming them and their children, and we need a place for them to be safe.

[00:07:10] Aaron - Narration: Today there are over 2000 domestic violence shelters in the US.

This is still too few though, as many of them operate at capacity and have to turn away women and families in need. One study in 2015 found that in a single day, 12,197 people had to be turned away from shelters due to a lack of resources. For the Austin Rape Crisis Center, the increased support also came with increased demand, more than the rather house could fit.

[00:07:42] Debby Tucker: And I think about those early days of opening the shelter itself. We didn't know how we were going to accomplish that. And I got a call from our city manager who said, "Deborah, I want you to be in my office at eight o'clock on Monday morning. I have somebody I want you to meet." And I'm sitting there thinking the city manager wants me to come meet somebody.

What did we do wrong?

[00:08:09] Aaron - Narration: Yeah.

[00:08:11] Debby Tucker: Who did we step up with in a bad way? And so I stewed all weekend long. And I go into his office and there's this gentleman with him and I sit down and they explain to me that he is the program chair for the Home Builders Association, and that he saw a segment on the news about us wanting to establish a shelter and that we were working with the city and trying to get a building and blah, blah, blah.

And he said. "We'd like to build you a building."

[00:08:49] Aaron - Narration: John McFall, who led the Home Builders Association, organized it masterfully. Debby said it was like a barn raising, and the final construction cost was just $50,000 for a building that was actually worth $300,000. Because this was a new thing there was a lot to learn, like how to keep the residents safe.

[00:09:09] Debby Tucker: I had the experience one day of somebody pulling up, putting a rifle on his door frame and pointing it to us. And so everybody in the house was saying, "Okay, Deborah, you're the director. You get the big bucks." I think I was making 13,000 a year. "You need to go out there and talk to this guy.

[00:09:34] Aaron - Interview: Oh my gosh.

[00:09:35] Debby Tucker: "And see what he wants."

And so I went out and said to him, "We've got this really nice bench over here under this tree, and you and I can sit down together for a minute and kind of figure out why you're here, what you need, how we can make this situation better." And so he did. He put down the rifle, he got out of the car, he came over, he sat next to me on the bench.

And we just began to talk. And he was basically there because he knew that his wife and children were in the shelter and he wanted them back. And so I had a conversation with him about what did he think would make them feel safe about coming back. Would driving up with a rifle encourage them to feel safe enough to come home?

Meanwhile, everybody else had called the police, and the police showed up and confiscated the rifle and had a conversation with him about trespassing and. All that kinda stuff. And you know, we're like, okay, so anything and everything is probably going to happen.

[00:10:49] Aaron - Narration: Over the years, as more and more groups started offering victim services, there was an increased need for national collaboration. By this point, Debby was a leader in Texas in the fight against domestic abuse, and she was invited to participate in collaboration meetings in Washington DC. Groups from all over the country were invited. As you might expect, there were strong regional and cultural disagreements in how everyone saw the problem.

Even the little differences came to the surface,

[00:11:17] Debby Tucker: And one of the things that somebody said after I had spoken a little bit was, "What are you doing wearing makeup?" And I said, "I come from the south. You're not dressed. If you don't have on makeup, I'm not going to come to a meeting with anybody without some lipstick."

"Y'all may not have to worry about that, but we do." And it was like, this is going to be hard. And over time though, we began to, like any group of people that are committed to an end, we started to find ways to, to work together and to talk to each other, and to hear each other. I loved it.

[00:12:06] Aaron - Narration: One critical moment of learning and consensus came when they all agreed that victims were not to blame.

This is a perspective that's now more widely shared, but it wasn't that way until the leading advocates laid it down as an essential truth.

[00:12:20] Debby Tucker: And I think that when we all began to adopt the attitude that it's not the child or the adult has done something where they deserve to be disciplined. But in fact the person who is causing the harm believes that they are entitled to react in any way they choose up to and including physical violence or emotional abuse that is devastating, in some ways more harmful than a bruise or a hit can be. We began to come to consensus around critical positions and acknowledge that the real experts were the survivors, the victims who had lived through it. So that we weren't like the professionals telling everybody else

what to do, we were partners with them in learning.

[00:13:23] Aaron - Narration: What are the first things you wish everybody knew about domestic and sexual violence that would maybe help position them to be better helpers?

[00:13:33] Debby Tucker: I think that you can best be a helper if you're willing to listen and to recognize that you don't have to give advice or

direct somebody what to do. But you can offer resources and you can say simple things like, "I'm here when you need me or when you need to talk." Offering things, but not being pushy. You cannot tell people what to do. It never works.

And we made assumptions in the beginning that everybody wanted to get away,

and wanted to end the relationship with the, the person using violence. But in reality, when we asked and we were saying, what can we do? They would say, "Talk to him. Somebody needs to tell him to quit hurting us. And somebody needs to recognize that he was a good father at one point. He was a good husband at one point, and there are things about him that are still good. And what can we do to get rid of these awful things that he's doing now?"

And so they're the ones who made us recognize the reality that we cannot end this kind of violence without working with the people who are using it. What you have to do is listen, if there is still any kind of relationship, and if you have children together, then what do we do to make that safer and better?

[00:15:12] Aaron - Narration: You know, as you're talking about that, I, I think one of the most common responses I see, and that I've also felt, is just cynicism that a person using violence is ever really going to change. What do you have to say to the people who are cynical about any opportunity or possibility of rehabilitation?

[00:15:31] Debby Tucker: What I say is these people are not from another planet. They don't have acid dripping off of their teeth, and we can't communicate at all. They are, in fact, sons and fathers and people who were raised in our society and in our families. So do we offer to them an opportunity to live differently? I remember this one guy who told me, you know, that he was coming home from work and he was walking up to the door and he could hear everybody in his family laughing and joking, and obviously they were having a good time together, and he opened the door and walked, stepped in, and everybody froze, and turned to look at him. And the fear in their faces, and all the laughter and all the enjoyment they were having disappeared. And it was so stark for him that he was able to recognize he had created a situation where they weren't glad that he was home. They were terrified that he was home.

[00:16:50] Aaron - Narration: Blaming victims or demanding that they change their behavior doesn't actually stop abusers. And instead, it just gives room for domestic violence to grow. Sometimes we need to help others understand that too.

[00:17:03] Debby Tucker: I remember early on, one of the groups that we went to, the Lions Club, a guy stood up and, and somebody had made some disparaging remark about women bringing this on themselves by not listening to their husbands and blah, blah, blah, blah.

And one of his fellow Lion members stood up and said, "Sir, I was raised by somebody who beat my mother constantly, who beat all of us. I can tell you that there was nothing about her that caused this. She did everything she could to protect us and to stop it." And those are the kinds of conversations that we wanna see

men have with one another to really learn from each other that it doesn't matter if she is the nastiest, most inappropriate woman in the world. It doesn't mean that you get to beat her up.

[00:18:02] Aaron - Narration: Instead of telling the victim to act differently, the National Center developed this list of the five things to say to victims of abuse.

Here they are: Number one, I'm afraid for your safety. Number two, I'm afraid for the safety of your children. Number three, it will only get worse. Number four, I'm here for you when you're ready to leave. Number five, you don't deserve to be abused. These are the things that they need to hear.

[00:18:35] Debby Tucker: Oh, it's very powerful and very helpful, and that's why we have continued to use it because it works. It gives people the tools to begin a conversation because it's uncomfortable. You don't want to ask somebody point blank. You wanna say gently, I'm concerned for your safety. And to be able to say to the person who you think is causing the harm, I'm concerned for the safety of your family members. Trying to get them to think differently is so powerful.

[00:19:10] Aaron - Narration: Debby also noted that we need to believe that abusers can change. In fact, this is why Debby and others prefer the term "people who use violence," pointing to the possibility that they can become people who don't use violence. And if you feel cynicism about that, you should know that Debby, with her years of experience, has seen that change is possible.

[00:19:33] Debby Tucker: If you don't believe that people can change for the better, then you might as well give up. BEcause the human race is like amazing and people can surprise us. They can appear to be hardheaded and impossible and stuck in a prior century. And if you gently keep applying the tools, they sometimes wake up and listen.

There are some that we can't reach, obviously. And that's why from time to time, I do support somebody going to prison and being away from everyone until possibly there's a chance that they can be safe. But most of the people that we work with will change and will stop causing harm.

One of the things we've asked judges to do in Texas is encourage the person to get a mentor, to identify someone in their life that they trust and respect. It could be a, a minister. It could be their boss. It could be a, a colleague that they interact with. It could be a baseball partner, somebody you play with. Ask them to help you.

[00:20:57] Aaron - Narration: Just expecting change at the individual level isn't going to bring an end to domestic violence. For decades, we've needed systemic improvements to make it easier for victims to come forward, for them to get support if they need to leave home, and for people of influence to have policies and training in place. All of these reasons and more are what gave rise to the Violence Against Women Act, a landmark law first passed in 1994. Debby Tucker spearheaded the lobbying of Congress and started out by working with then Senator Joe Biden.

[00:21:30] Debby Tucker: So one of the things that he said to me was, "You have an assignment, and that is to get representative Jack Brooks, who is the chair of the Judiciary Committee. We can get it through the Senate. I know that I have enough votes to get it out of the Senate, but we are never going to pass it if we don't get the House Judiciary Committee to support it."

[00:21:56] Aaron - Narration: At that time, Brooks was the longest serving member of Congress, representing a district in South Texas. Debby had never met Brooks and had never tried to lobby a congressman like this before.

She connected with everyone she knew, politicians, business leaders, and really just anybody she could think of that might know him. Of course, she also went the formal route of calling his staff, introducing herself, and even going to his office in dc, meeting everybody who worked there asking for an appointment.

Finally, after about 10 months of work, Debby got a call out of the blue from a staff member on the Judiciary Committee saying that Mr. Brooks had set the Violence Against Women Act for a hearing. She was told to be ready to present and to help in whatever other ways the committee needed. On the day of the hearing, she was stunned to find the room was packed full of people.

[00:22:48] Debby Tucker: I got there, opened the door, and the room was full. And I'm like, who are these people? Why is the room full? And there were like cameras on those giant dolly things that they roll around like CBS, ABC. I'm like, what is this all about?

[00:23:07] Aaron - Narration: It turned out that the bill had become national news. And so to calm her nerves, Debby went to talk to the representatives on the committee that she already knew, including Chuck Schumer.

Everyone in the room was waiting to start and all they needed was the committee's chair, Jack Brooks.

[00:23:23] Debby Tucker: And I had my back to the door, and all of a sudden, it's got quiet. I turned around and this bandyrooster of a man is coming in the door and everyone is racing for their seats and sitting down and behaving. And on all four walls where these no smoking signs. And out of his mouth was this giant cigar.

And I'm like, okay, Deborah, this is a big moment. And I just march myself down the center aisle. Stick out my hand and say, "Mr. Brooks, thank you so much for setting the Violence Against Women Act for Hearing today. My name is Deborah Tucker. I'm chair of the National Network to End Domestic Violence. We are excited to be here. We appreciate a chance to talk this through with you and the committee."

And his response was "Debby Tucker! I've had everybody but my first grade teacher call me and ask me to set this bill for a hearing. And I just wanna know one thing." The whole room leaned in and was like, what does Mr. Brooks wanna know? And he said, "Why the ****? Don't the prosecutors help these women? Why don't they put these men in jail so that women can be safe in their own homes and not have to come to your little shelters?"

And I was just like, "Oh my goodness, sir. I don't ****ing know."

And he loved it. And he started laughing and he leaned forward with that giant cigar in his mouth and he caught the front of my hair on fire.

And he is patting the top of my head to put the fire out, and saying "We going to get your little bill out. Don't worry."

[00:25:25] Aaron - Narration: With the smell of burning hair still lingering, Debby went to her assigned seat. Soon after the hearing began, the discussion immediately went to all the complexities of the problem and concerns like those you'd expect for major federal legislation.

But Representative Brooks threw his full weight behind the bill and it passed both the House and Senate in record time. President Clinton signed it soon after.

[00:25:50] Debby Tucker: I'm really proud of the fact that in spite of our regional differences and our cultural challenges, we got to agreement that we were going to help educate folks to the fact that there is nothing that a victim can do, adult or child, by themselves to stop the person who's decided that they're going to use violence. We have to step in, family, friends, neighbors. We've gotta draw a line and say "Up with this, we will not put."

[00:26:27] Aaron - Narration: What keeps you going with hope? This is as monumental a problem as anybody could take on, and you've been at it for a long time. What, what has kept you going and what keeps going now?

[00:26:37] Debby Tucker: I think it is the fact that we've made such significant progress. Even though it's been fits and starts and a couple of steps back, and it's not been linear at all, um, there has been change and there are more and more people who get it, so to speak, and who realize that if you don't end the use of violence then other problems that you see in the world are going to continue. Where do you think that rapists and murderers come from? What families are they raised in who teaches them what to do and what not to do? We're going to never end all forms of violence if we don't end the violence that starts when somebody's a child. And to me it's one big mass of things that are all important.

Dignity, respect, safety, those are fundamental to, to progress. It's gotta operate at all levels. And we gotta get over the differences. Whatever, whoever God is has a strange sense of humor to create so many different languages and belief systems and cultures and ways of doing things. It's not ever been easy for us to understand one another. All of it takes patience and deliberate efforts to reach out and to hear people and to share what you know in a way that might help.

[00:28:30] Aaron - Narration: When I was emailing with Debby about this interview, I'd mentioned that I wanted to discuss how to help people out of domestic violence. In reply, she said we should broaden our view and talk about how we can end domestic violence. I'm confident that as promised, you learned something new about what you can do to help a loved one in this situation.

But I hope you can also see how your help plays a part in a much bigger effort: bringing an end to domestic violence altogether. If you want to get more involved in this effort, we've linked to resources in the show notes. Debby and countless others will be glad to have your help.

How To Help is hosted and written by me, Aaron Miller, and produced in collaboration with BYU Radio.

My thanks to Erica Price, Kenny Mears and Blake Morris for their help with this episode. Scoring and mixing was done by Seth Miller, and our music is by Eric Robertson and the Pleasant Pictures Music Club. For more information about this episode, use the links in the show notes. And if you haven't subscribed yet to How to Help, you can do that in your favorite podcast player and find us on all the different social media platforms.

As always, thank you so much for listening.

Five Ways of Thinking to Become a More Helpful Person

Five Ways of Thinking to Become a More Helpful Person

From the last two decades of teaching public servants, I’ve noticed that effective helpers tend to think differently about the world, themselves, and the people they want to help. These five ways of thinking aren’t exhaustive, but they can make a big impact on how helpful you are. They’re also evidence-backed ideas, taken from medicine, social impact, economics, and psychology.

After you’ve looked these over, I’d love to know: What else do you find makes someone more helpful?

Consider opportunity costs.

For every act of help, there’s another way—perhaps better, perhaps worse—we could help instead. When we do things for others, we often do it instinctively and fail to consider the alternatives. This simple question, “What could I do instead?” almost always improves your thinking.

Imagine you have a neighbor who just lost their job. Your instinct might be to start sending them job openings at your company. But in the immediate aftermath, what they might need instead is a listening ear to help them process what happened.

Assume less.

If you’re good at empathy, defined as perspective-taking, then you’re more likely to be a helpful person. But, we might misunderstand what the other person is really thinking and feeling. We can solve this problem by simply communicating more than we think we need to. Ask questions and share your plans and intentions to help so you get feedback from the person you’re helping.

It finally took my wife telling me that she doesn’t want flowers for Valentine’s Day for me to stop buying her flowers. (She didn’t want to hurt my feelings and I was just doing what I thought a husband was supposed to do.) I’ve become a better gift-giver to her by just asking her for a list of things she would love. I then either choose something from the list as a surprise or use the list for inspiration to get something else. I’m quite proud of the fact that I found what is now her favorite brand of tea.

You don’t need more emotional empathy. In fact, you might be better off with less of it

Empathy comes in three kinds, emotional empathy, cognitive empathy, and empathic concern. Emotional empathy—where we feel what we perceive other people feeling—is common to helpers. But it’s rough, especially when we mirror someone’s suffering. Plenty of research shows that you don’t need to be high in emotional empathy to be an effective helper. In fact, too much emotional empathy can backfire and cause depersonalization, making you far less helpful to others.

I teach students who go into public service and many of them struggle with constantly feeling the suffering of others. One of them shared with me, “I have often felt that I need to respond in a state of semi-distress in order for serious situations to be taken seriously.” Another said, “I had always thought empathy was the greatest amount of love you can show another person…Yet I can see and feel the burnout that comes from only having emotional empathy.” The quality of your help is not measured by your feelings of distress for someone else!

Expertise matters, and you can get good-enough expertise reasonably quickly.

We sometimes try and help in ways that are beyond our abilities and knowledge, and so our efforts fall short of meeting the need. It’s good to turn to experts for advice, rather than assuming we can fix a problem we’ve never fixed before. Temper the instinct to help first; cultivate a habit of learning first. We live in an age where experts are constantly sharing their insights. Even just a little bit of learning from an expert can make you a dramatically more helpful person.

When our son was diagnosed in high school with OCD, the best thing that happened for us as parents was getting some simple, but very helpful training from therapists who specialize in OCD treatment. In fact, it corrected ways we’d been accommodating his OCD and unwittingly fueling it. Of course, he also got expert treatment from trained professionals. The help of experts has benefitted him and us immensely.

You can cultivate compassion deliberately.

If there’s anyone in your life that you don’t feel positive feelings for, but you want to, there is a way to feel more compassion for them. Research on loving-kindness meditation indicates that compassion is a skill than can improve with practice. The essence of it is to use a moment of quiet and reflect on the positive feelings you have for someone you love dearly. Then while you bask in those feelings, try to imagine something similar for the person you struggle to care for. This is essentially a kind of practice.

I personally believe that compassionate prayer (praying for one’s enemies) can have a similar effect. There’s ancient wisdom in Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, and Islamic practices that cultivate love for enemies. But remember, this being hard doesn’t mean you can’t get better at it. It just takes practice.


What other ways of thinking can make us more helpful people? I’d love to hear from you.

Professional Peacemaking • Prof. Chad Ford • s03e03

Professional Peacemaking • Prof. Chad Ford • s03e03

Summary

In part two of our conversation with Professor Chad Ford, we take a deeper look at what it means to be a professional peacemaker. Chad shares the realities of mediation work—the challenges, the setbacks, and the deeply rewarding moments that come with helping others resolve conflict. We explore the many paths to a career in peacemaking, from family and organizational mediation to international peacebuilding, and discuss why authentic curiosity and self-reflection are essential for anyone drawn to this work. Chad also shares his path to a career in conflict resolution around the world. Whether you’re considering this work or simply want to bring more peace to your own life, Chad’s story and insights will inspire you to see conflict—and its resolution—in a new light.

About Our Guest

Chad Ford is an international conflict mediator, facilitator, and peace educator known for his extensive peacebuilding work around the world. He holds a Master’s in Conflict Analysis and Resolution from George Mason University and a JD from Georgetown. He directed the David O. McKay Center for Intercultural Understanding at BYU–Hawaii for nearly twenty years, where he developed programs in intercultural peacebuilding. In 2024, Chad joined Utah State University, teaching courses on religion, peace, and mediation.

He has worked in conflict zones globally, facilitated for governments, NGOs, and corporations, and serves on the board of Peace Players International. Chad is the author of Dangerous Love and 70x7, books that explore transforming conflict and Christian peacebuilding. His hands-on experience gives him a unique perspective on resolving conflicts in families, organizations, and communities worldwide.

Useful Links

Chad Ford’s Book, Dangerous Love:

https://dangerouslovebook.com

Chad's Substack:

https://chadford.substack.com/

Alfred Nobel and the Peace Prize:

https://www.nobelprize.org/alfred-nobel

Bertha Von Suttner:

https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/1905/suttner/biographical/

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Chad Ford: David Whippy, who is now the director of the McKay Center at BYU Hawaii, was a Fijian rap star. Went under the name WIP Z; came to BYU Hawaii from Fiji; was taking some psychology courses when someone told him, "Oh, you should try to take this peace building course." And I was so surprised that he would come into my class and you would see all these Fijians looking through the glass with their phones, like trying to take pictures of him, because he was really, really famous in Fiji.

[00:00:28] Aaron - Narration: Hi, I'm Aaron Miller. And this is How to Help, a podcast about having a life and career with meaning, integrity, and impact. This is season three, episode three: professional Peacemaking. How to Help is proud to be a part of the BYU Radio Family of podcasts.

You've almost certainly heard of the Nobel Prize, but did you know that Alfred Nobel, who funded the prize, manufactured and sold weapons for war?

At the time, his company was actually the largest in Europe. Now, Nobel didn't set out with this as a goal. He was a chemist and the inventor of dynamite, the blasting cap, and other innovations that made industries like mining safer for the workers. And this was the primary beginning of what became his vast wealth.

It was later in life that he turned these inventions into weapons. And though Nobel was a supplier of war, he wasn't a war monger. In fact, he was convinced that as more powerful weapons became available, humanity would've no choice but to seek peaceful resolutions to their conflicts. The alternative in his mind was utter destruction.

But Nobel never lived to see the invention of nuclear weapons.

It might be argued that the power to destroy the world thousands of times over did encourage negotiations between nuclear states, but people still today are being killed by guns and landmines and tanks and missiles. It seems obvious by now that Nobel's vision of a peaceful world is never going to be built on mutual fear.

Albert Einstein even gave a speech after the first nuclear bombs were dropped in Japan by US forces. Einstein used the occasion to invoke Nobel and he said this, "Alfred Nobel invented an explosive, more powerful than any known, an exceedingly effective means of destruction. To atone for this accomplishment, and to relieve his conscience, he instituted his award for the promotion of peace."

Near the very end of his life, Nobel saw peace differently, mostly thanks to the friendship of a former secretary ,named Bertha Von Suttner. She was a lifelong peace activist and, although she worked for Nobel many years earlier and only briefly, they had a friendship that lasted for decades. Von Suttner spent that entire time trying to persuade Nobel to bring his intelligence and financial resources to the pacifist movement, and she consistently failed to convince him.

Only at the end of Nobel's life did her efforts finally bear fruit. In 1888, Alfred allegedly saw an obituary in a French newspaper that was written after his brother's death, except the paper mistakenly thought it was Alfred who had died. It wasn't kind stating only this "A man who cannot very easily pass for a benefactor of humanity died yesterday in Cannes. It is Mr. Nobel, inventor of dynamite."

The next year, Von Suttner wrote a book called Throw Down Your Arms, and it amazed Nobel who praised the way she "made war on war." More letters followed in which Nobel and Von Suttner discussed the idea of a prize for the promotion of peace. Alfred rewrote his will in 1895, died the following year, and the Nobel Prizes were born.

Not only did Bertha Von Suttner win the fourth ever Nobel Peace Prize, and was the first woman to win it, she played a key role in the prize's very creation. But for her, it might never have existed. And the most amazing part is that she did this great thing, not by threats of violence or stoking fear, but by persuasion and peacemaking.

This story embodies the reason for this episode, part two of my conversation with Professor Chad Ford. You last heard him talking about how we can establish more peace in our own lives. In this interview, we'll be talking about how to build peace for others. Professional peacemaking, as it were.

[00:04:44] Chad Ford: As far as the job goes itself, it's hard. It's really, really hard. It takes time. It takes a lot of patience. As a mediator, you often have to push to surface disputes for people, which often turns you into the enemy because you're making people uncomfortable or you're asking people to talk about stuff when most people's conflict style is avoidance and they don't really want to talk about it at all.

But you're asking all of these really hard questions and it makes it really, really difficult. There's a lot of failure involved. If I'm just being honest, I do not have a hundred percent track record or anything close to it. It's, it's, you know, more like maybe in the fifties or like, you know, low sixties of we get where we want to go.

[00:05:25] Aaron - Narration: Maybe talking about the difficulty of the job is not the best way to begin, but trust me, there are encouraging things to come. I just wanted to start with this so we've set out on solid footing. You may listen to this episode and feel called to be a peacemaker for others. I just want to make it clear that professional peacemaking is a tough job.

[00:05:49] Chad Ford: That's hard because a lot of times I have to walk away from those things. And you know, the very delicate question between, "Was this me? Did I just not do this right?" or "Is this just a case where the parties aren't ready?" I can do everything right. And it doesn't matter because the parties themselves just aren't ready to do it. Are there other factors involved, like mental health issues, for example, where they, they really should be in therapy before they are in mediation?

[00:06:16] Aaron - Narration: To be honest, there aren't many jobs you get to keep when you only succeed a little over half the time, and especially where you don't even know if the failure was your fault.

So what exactly is the job of being a professional peacemaker? You've probably heard it called "mediator." Essentially, the work of mediators is to bring people to a resolution where conflict is costly. And I mean, conflict is always costly, but mediators come in when the parties have a strong incentive to find a way forward together.

Where are the jobs for mediators?

[00:06:50] Chad Ford: There's a lot of paths, and it is, as you pointed out, a really viable, viable job. Um. It goes from everything from people who are working in family spaces and anymore you're seeing social workers and, uh, marriage and family therapist and, and psychologists that are picking up mediation skills. And so I've worked with a lot of psychologists and therapists and what have you as an add-on skill right? Now they have a skill that I don't have. I'm not a therapist, I'm not, I'm not trained to do that sort of mental health work that they're so skilled at. But mediation and conflict resolution end up playing a really big part.

[00:07:27] Aaron - Narration: Those are all the places where you might have expected mediation and professional peacemaking, but businesses and other workplaces need effective mediators too.

[00:07:36] Chad Ford: In an organizational sense, the number one space where you see people fall into this is in human resources, right? Like human resources are constantly

resolving conflict between employees and their, their bosses, sometimes with customers, with any sort of challenges that are happening in the organization. And, uh, it's a great entry level type of job where you can get lots of mediation experience, having some conflict resolution. Certificate mediation training is a huge plus on your resume to get in and often those people, and we've, we've have alumni who do that, end up getting promoted fairly quickly throughout the organization, because organizations need problem solvers.

And where early on I was hired in a lot of more of the social context, increasingly the requests that I get are from organizations, uh, to come in because conflict is affecting their bottom line. The, the inability of people to work together in that space is affecting them and hitting them financially. I'll just add because people are like, "Is there any money in that?" There's amazing money, um, in that, right? If, if people are losing millions of dollars because they can't work together, you'd be shocked at what corporations are willing to pay to try to get that problem solved.

Then for a few years, I even would offer essentially like a lawyer, a contingency fee. Like if, if I don't help, I get nothing, but if I help you said it's costing you X amount of dollars. I want 10% of that. Right. So I'll, I'll shoot for the moon and, and I, and I'm usually fairly confident that I can help.

[00:09:13] Aaron - Narration: Okay. Maybe the money isn't what's calling you. And the opportunities Chad's describing here take time to build your career so you have the credibility that gets you hired. If not in family conflict and not in the business world, where else can you be a professional peacemaker?

[00:09:31] Chad Ford: In the nonprofit space and in the public space, you're seeing a growing need for mediators who are working often with other agencies, they're working with various communities. You're seeing a ton of this in environmental cases where mediators are, are the primary source of bringing together multiple stakeholders, that, um, have an interest in a particular environmental issue in a community or, and what have you. Um, the federal government a number of years ago, passed a mediation law that requires federal agencies where they have employee disputes to go through mediation as part of that before you can, let's say sue the federal government. And so every federal agency has on staff full-time mediators that are working in those agencies. So there's amazing things there.

There's obviously the international work, um, that's going on to end, you know, larger scale conflict and wars. There are religious, uh, mediators. I have a good friend who is essentially on the payroll for the Methodist Church to go into congregations and do mediations between congregations that have issues with their pastors, you, you know, for example, and, and he has a full-time, full-time job doing all of that.

[00:10:41] Aaron - Narration: If you haven't noticed in all of these jobs, you'll find opportunities for mediators wherever there's conflict. And there is sadly an endless supply of conflict around the world. If you're feeling drawn to this, but don't know what to do next, I think it's good now to spend some time learning about Chad's career path.

What's it like to be a professional peace builder? How did Chad become one? His story started when he left his childhood home in Kansas City to attend university at BYU Hawaii, half away. .

[00:11:15] Chad Ford: Really, my dream was like, oh, I'll go there and surf and, you know, just, just have this, uh, you know, really fun experience. I'd always wanted to be in Hawaii; I had never even been. And when I got there, I was struck by two things immediately that really turned out to be life changing. One, just the intercultural nature. You know, growing up in Kansas City, Missouri, I'd not been exposed to the dozens, sometimes up to a hundred cultures that were all mingling together at BYU Hawaii.

The other thing that struck me was that generally people got along and were finding ways to work together and, and collaborate together even often when their countries and their cultures historically did not.

[00:11:58] Aaron - Narration: Chad was first interested in doing film production ,and then picked a major in English only to be told by an astute English professor that he might be a better fit in a field that matched his passion for social issues.

This led to a pivotal relationship for him.

[00:12:13] Chad Ford: I met the director of the history program and, and then a younger professor there, Bill Kauaiwi’ulaokalani Wallace, who was, was a native Hawaiian who was working on Hawaiian sovereignty issues in Hawaii. He was an attorney, but it was also teaching Hawaiian history. We hit it off. I started thinking about the work that he was doing in Hawaii around indigenous rights and civil rights and human rights, and it had this deep and profound impact on me. I started thinking about these things more academically. I was writing about them. He encouraged me to go to law school.

And you know, I came from a family that on both sides,

I was going to be the first graduate on either side of my family from an undergraduate, um, program, uh, and that was the top of Everest for me. Had zero thought about going onto graduate school or doing anything else like that.

[00:13:06] Aaron - Narration: Now, law school might seem to be the last place you'd expect to find a budding peacemaker, but lawyers, believe it or not, are meant to resolve conflict.

That's why a lot of mediators are also attorneys, except that the sad truth is that law school doesn't really prepare you for this kind of career. A student has to go their own way to find a path into peace building.

[00:13:28] Chad Ford: The first year curriculum's pretty prescribed. That had nothing to do with what I was interested in. I was doing property law, and contract law, and, and personal injury, and torts. And on top of that I was thinking in this peace mindset, collaboration, working together. And, and you know, I, I don't want to cast aspersions of lawyers, but most of the talk and the program was, was really aggressive. And it honestly felt to me sometimes, like lawyers were creating as much conflict as they were solving.

And, and I, I, I just, culturally, I think I, I just wasn't vibing, but one day I, um, saw flyer in the hall and Dennis Ross, who was the chief US negotiator for Middle East Peace at the time, was having a speech. And he had just got back from the Middle East and it was one of the, unfortunately many times that sort of Middle East peace negotiations had broken down and, and you know, there wasn't going to be an agreement.

So I went and sat in the back, and there was this moment when he was talking about what was going wrong and, and why they were continuing to fail to get an agreement. And this, it's, it's hard to point to certain points in your life that were life-changing moments, but as he was talking, he said, "Look, as a diplomat, we learn how to get leaders together and get them in conversation with each other to make big changes that are going to lead their countries to peace. We actually think we're pretty skilled at it, but what we found in the Middle East is whenever we can get there, the leaders cannot go back to their constituents and sell that. In fact, they're often called traitors. They're often called sellouts that the people on the ground aren't prepared for peace."

And he said like, "What we need are a new generation of people who learn how to work with people on the ground to prepare them for peace."

[00:15:15] Aaron - Narration: A generation to prepare people for peace. Have you ever had a moment of raw inspiration? This was that kind of moment for Chad.

[00:15:24] Chad Ford: It was in that moment sitting there that I said, I, I want to do that. I don't know how to do that, but I, I want to do that. So I waited in line. I asked him, "Hey, you know what, how did you do that? Like, that's what I want to do. Like, is that a law school? What class should I take?" Or whatever. And he, he, he was kind of funny. He said, "If I knew the answer to that, I, I would tell you, but you're going to have to sort of figure that out."

I was, I really disappointed. I'm like, you can't point me anywhere. And he said, "Well, I know this guy, his name is Wallace Warfield, he's at George Mason." They'd just started a new school for conflict analysis and resolution. It's a new master's and PhD program. He worked with Dr. Martin Luther King.

So I skipped school the next day. I took the train to George Mason. I, this is back in the pre cell phone days. I literally like wait outside his office for him to show up. And he comes in and we have this brief conversation where he asked me, you know, what do I know about Martin Luther King? And I, I'm like, oh, I'm ready for this. I, I'm a big fan of Martin Luther King and I, you know, I'm telling him whatever.

He is, like, "No, no, no. How did he do what he did from a social organizational standpoint? How did he create the change that he wanted to see? And I was like, "I, I don't really know." And he handed me his copy of, um, Martin Luther King's book, Strength of Love, and he said, "Read this book and if you're still interested, come back to see me."

And what he didn't know is I was going to go outside of the office, sit under a tree, read the book cover-to-cover that day, and knock back out on his door in the afternoon and, and say I was in. And from that point, I ended up doing a joint degree at Georgetown Master's in Conflict Resolution/Doctorate, um, in law at Georgetown.

I began to become hyper-focused on large scale religious and ethnic conflict with an emphasis on mediation and with an emphasis of really bringing people together who have what I would call intractable types of conflict. In other words, that doesn't seem that there's any way that these people could ever agree on something. How do you build the spaces to get them there?

[00:17:21] Aaron - Narration: You heard in part one of my interview with Chad about his work in the Middle East and other places where he's been helping to create more space for the resolution of conflict, like he and others have done with PeacePlayers International. He's been able to show how peace is possible in the worst conflicts on Earth.

And you might have noticed a theme in Chad's personal story and professional accomplishments. He's had to create these opportunities rather than just taking the ones being handed to him. Professional peacemakers of all kinds tend to share this entrepreneurial instinct.

[00:17:58] Chad Ford: It's hard to get on the ground because the first question anybody asks you is, well, how many cases have you mediated?

And if your answer is like, you're my first, or like, you're one or two, they don't feel that super confidence of going in. So I have to tell my students all the time, you have to be entrepreneurial at first. You have to get out there and offer yourself in lots of different scenarios. I, I even have, I'm teaching 'em how to go on Craigslist and, and say, we'll meet at the McDonald's.

My whole point is get the experience to come in, because once you have that experience. I don't have to advertise for my work anymore. I get multiple emails a week from just referrals. I, I'm a big sports fan, and I've been combining sports and mediation in ways that, that have been really fun and and exciting to me.

And it's, it's a great job. So first of all, I want to say the opportunities are real.

[00:18:46] Aaron - Narration: If professional peacemaking feels like the direction you want to go, I have a bunch of stellar advice for you from Chad. And frankly, if you just want to be better at this for the job you currently have, you need to give the rest of this episode all of your attention. You'll be better at your work if you do. Let's start with a need for personal commitment to the principles of peace.

[00:19:10] Chad Ford: Look, some people are natural mediators. I, I actually wasn't one to be, to be just completely honest. I went to school with some people that without any training, just could walk in, be very balanced, be curious, and listening just sort of naturally. And they were just really good at it. And I was so jealous of those, those students all the time because I would just. I would just be bobbing in class. And then they would, I would watch them and they would walk in and I'm like, how'd you do that? I don't, I don't know. It's just common sense. And I'm like, well, apparently I don't have it.

In fact, I failed my first midterm in my mediation class because I offended one of the role players and they walked out in the middle of my midterm exam and never came back.

[00:19:52] Aaron - Interview: No. Oh my gosh.

[00:19:55] Chad Ford: And I was ready to quit. And. I had to start looking inward. And, and this is something I love about, you know, peace building mediation, which is that if I've got stuff going on in my life that I'm unwilling to address, I am not going to be a particularly good guide to asking other people to look at the hard things and do things in their life.

And, and what, what started to come out of it was I realized who I need to practice on is my family, the conflicts where I'm estranged from people. So I'd say the first attribute is: I'm willing to do this myself, right? I, I think it's the most important thing as a mediator, because your clients are going to know, there's just an authenticity.

[00:20:36] Aaron - Narration: Being an effective peacemaker also means being curious, not making assumptions about the people in conflict or jumping to solutions prematurely. You'll end up asking lots and lots of questions.

[00:20:50] Chad Ford: The second thing is you have to be curious. Anytime I think I know what the right solution is, it's, it's usually going to be a problem for me. Um, right? Because I'll start gently steering people in the direction I think they need to go. And one of the things that I've learned is they're not me, and the only solution that works is one that's very authentic to them. So I have to continue to be curious, even when it starts to occur to me, oh, I think I should know what they should do.

[00:21:19] Aaron - Narration: Withholding judgment of those in conflict is especially hard. When you know that someone has done genuine harm to another person, with an act of cruelty or violence, somehow as a peacemaker you have to find a way to empathy for such people, to see their humanity. That doesn't mean you justify what they've done, but to bring them to peace, you might need to be the last person who hasn't given up on them.

[00:21:49] Chad Ford: As mediators, we see people often at their worst. We see people when they're the most stressed out, when they've, they've said that awful thing or they've done that awful thing. You know, I, I've, I've worked with people that have been terrorists or have, have promoted violent conflict or participated in violence as a potential solution, um, to the conflict.

And, you know, as someone who doesn't feel violence is right, or abuse is right, or, or, uh, mistreating people is of a right, it's really easy to sometimes look at them and, and not see their humanity. And one of the things that I really, really try to work on--and for me this is both a, a professional thing, but it's also a faith thing for me--is to see this sort of divinity in others define that, that spark of goodness in them.

Because if I can discover it and try to amplify it within them, it will often lead them down, down the right path in ways that I never, that I never could. I, I didn't start out good at that. I often would be annoyed at people. And that aspect took a lot of, like, mindfulness, a lot of, a lot of thinking, a lot of training, and frankly, leaning on my faith in a lot of ways, because I, I do believe at, at the core that, you know, as people, we have that spark of the divineness that every human being is important.

They have value regardless of their choices, regardless of the decisions that they've made, and that there is a path to redemption back for people.

[00:23:21] Aaron - Narration: You also have to resist the instinct to enable people even when they're in the right. Sometimes when we're angry, our loved ones keep the anger going by being angry with us. Now, we see that as a sign of their loyalty and love for us, but it's also a source of fuel for some of our worst emotions. And so when we're trying to help someone feel validated, we can get pulled into the conflict along with them and we keep it going. There's a name for the seemingly supportive behavior:

Collusion.

[00:23:54] Chad Ford: I think it's interesting, Aaron, that you said pulled in. Because this is another aspect of conflict that I think is actually a really important one. If I can just address it for a minute, because...

[00:24:03] Aaron - Interview: Yeah, please do.

[00:24:03] Chad Ford: Often we, we get pulled in. In other words, the conflict isn't directly between me and another person, but a loved one, a child, a family member, a good friend has been wronged in some ways, and so they come to us for help.

Often we think that the way to help them is to give them a lot of validation, right? Like, "You're right, they're wrong. That other person is ridiculous. You don't need that toxicity in your life anymore." And we become allies to people in conflict where we give them the justification to actually be bad partners in conflict.

And we do it out of the name of support or out of love or care. And it's really hard to validate the emotion, which I think is fair and okay to do, right, without encouraging them to escalate the conflict without encouraging them to hate the other person. It's a very tricky line, and my wife on more than one occasion has said, "Can you just quit doing your conflict stuff with me right now and just agree with me that this person is the worst person ever?" and we'll laugh, you know, at those moments.

But that never really seems like love to me, because doing that doesn't actually give her the thing that she's actually looking for or really need. It's giving justification, which again, I think is a drug that is not going to serve, serve them well. And so, you know, it's really interesting because those conflicts are easier for us to be blind that we're actually the ones that are pouring gasoline on the fire now.

[00:25:38] Aaron - Narration: You may remember that I promised at the start of the episode that there are encouraging things to say about professional peacemaking and being a mediator. So here are two of the most important ones.

First, this is a deeply satisfying career path. It's always interesting. It gives you new things to learn. It brings you to know others in ways that you would never have known them before. And playing a part in reconnecting people is among the greatest moments of success.

[00:26:09] Chad Ford: It's so fulfilling. It takes so much creativity, which I love. I learn about all sorts of issues and have to become like a semi-expert on things because, you know, we're in a dispute and it's about air quality and all of a sudden I'm, you know, learning about all of these measures and like, what matters, because I need to understand why people feel as strongly as they feel about it. Culturally, I've got to learn all sorts of cool cultures. We are constantly having to adapt the process to create the space for people.

And I, I, I just love that. I get so energized um, as part of that. I'm exhausted afterwards, but there's no feeling like mediating a dispute and the parties walking away feeling reconnected to each other and walking away from that. And knowing that I, I had a little role to play that, uh, it, it will carry me through the next three or four failures, uh, until, you know, until the next, the next one hits.

[00:27:09] Aaron - Narration: The second encouraging thought is that there is a rising generation of peacemakers that's perhaps better prepared and more invested in this work than any generation before it. Chad teaches these young people every day, and they are an invigorating source of hope for him.

[00:27:28] Chad Ford: Aaron, there are so many young people that are leaning in to this world to serve.

I am so impressed with this generation who are coming to college not just to make money or get rich, but really, truly want to solve the social problems that that exist in our world today. They're frustrated at the adults, that we've left them the world that we've left them, um, right now. But they still remain hopeful that they're going to do something.

When I look to those young people that I get to work with every day, there's so much to be hopeful for. And my heroes, of course, some of them are, you know, the Gandhis and Martin Luther Kings and, and you know, frankly, Jesus Christ, who I think is the best of all of the peace builders that I know. But where I really get energy is watching these young people go out and dedicate their lives to doing this type of work.

[00:28:21] Aaron - Narration: You may like me imagine Bertha von Suttner smiling down on this rising generation, seeing in them what she spent years trying to cultivate and so many others, including her friend Alfred Nobel. When she herself received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1905, Bon Suttner began her speech this way, "The stars of eternal truth and right have always shown in the firmament of human understanding. The process of bringing them down to earth, remolding them into practical forms, imbuing them with vitality, and then making use of them, has been a long one. One of the eternal truths is that happiness is created and developed in peace."

You may feel the stirrings in you to follow the same professional path as Von Sutter and this rising generation of peacemakers.

But if not, I hope at least that you've taken away a thing or two. I hope you've learned something that can help you establish more peace for those around you.

How to help as a production of BYU Radio and hosted and written by me, Aaron Miller. This episode is produced by Erica Price, Blake Morris, and Kenny Mears.

Our theme song is by Eric Robertson. For more information about this episode, use the links in the show notes, and if you haven't subscribed to How to Help, you can do that in your favorite podcast player. As always, thank you so much for listening.

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